Self Care
Recently I had the opportunity to talk to a group of women who do really difficult, gut wrenching work in our community about self care. To be honest, at times, I feel like a broken record when it comes to talking about self care. I would say self care is one of the biggest things that people struggle with when they come into counseling. There are many different reasons why self care can be difficult: time, resources, distractions, energy and all of those are extremely valid reasons. However, I think if we were totally honest with ourselves, the biggest reason most of us don’t practice self care on a regular basis is because we don’t feel like we deserve it or are worthy of it. Think about it, when you love someone, you make time for them. You move plans around and you try to accommodate their needs. Why should we be any different? It all boils down to this: when we don’t know our worth and truly love ourselves, it’s easy to find ways to deny ourselves what we need.
I often think of my daughter when I hear different reasons for not participating in self care. I think of how I can shield her from the cruel world that will tell her she needs to do this or be that and her needs are not as important as the kid down the street. I hate the thought of that for her — and I hate that thought for you. Self care doesn’t mean you are being selfish. It means you are taking time to recharge and be the best version of yourself. Why? BECAUSE LOVING YOURSELF IS IMPORTANT AND YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE!
Here are my top five tips for practicing self care:
Start small. If you had a long day at work, order pizza rather than cooking (shout out to Jolie for that pro tip).
You don’t have to be productive in order to practice self care. Watching trashy tv to unwind or taking a bath or a walk can count as self care. You don’t have to have a major hobby that takes up a lot of time, but if you do have a hobby, that’s awesome too.
Identify your needs based on your daily stressors. For example, if you are on the phone for work all day, one of your needs might be quiet time after work (or even over your lunch break).
Block off time for self care. The dishes will still be in the sink, the kids will still be fighting, dinner will still need to be cooked. The only thing that will change is your mindset and mindset can be everything.
Find support in your spouse, a friend, a co-worker, or family member. There will be days when you don’t feel like self care. Surround yourself with people who encourage you to take care of yourself.
To wrap up this post, I wanted to share my journey to self care. Up until recently, I never had an activity that was uniquely mine and I didn’t take great care of myself. My husband always told me to find a hobby or way to take care of myself, but it wasn’t until my therapist suggested it that I actually listened (I’m still working on admitting my husband is right every once in a while). All I could think about was the classic hobbies, reading, sewing, drawing, cooking, exercising. All great hobbies, but just not for me. Nothing got me excited until one day while I was pumping and watching Keeping up with the Kardashians (if you’ve ever pumped, you understand the need for mindless activity to get through it). Anyways, one of the girls was riding a horse and I decided that’s what I was going to do. I’d never ridden a horse before and didn’t know the first thing about it. However, I quickly fell in love with it and it is my passion now. I only ride once a week for an hour, but it gets me through the hard weeks. I am able to connect with a creature who doesn’t judge me, doesn’t need anything from me, and doesn’t care if I feel like a terrible mom or wife or even counselor. Horseback is where I feel most at peace with myself and where I go to take care of me.
So my hope for you is that you find your horseback, whether it’s an hour of quiet after work, a walk around the park, a warm bath, or even chilling with the Kardashians. You are worth it, friend. Trust me, you are so worth it!
Take care,
Sara
